I just received the news that I somehow (perhaps with an insane amount of luck), passed the exams I sat for last month. It proved that you can teach old dogs new tricks after all.
Looking back, the last month seemed to go past in a blur. After we came back from our holiday, I was looking after the 2 boys while juggling housework with a growing tummy (I couldn’t even wash the dishes, or cook without having to stand sideways because the tummy would get in the way!), plus the thought of having upcoming exams was always weighing heavily at the back of my mind. If the boys slept late (which was most of the time), I’d be exhausted by the time I actually had any time to open my books.
I was also quite worried, because my memory hasn’t been its best state recently (or more like since I had kids), and this was a particularly memory-heavy course that I felt had a lot of tricky exam questions. And oh the horrors if I had to resit the exams, while looking after three kids! Somehow I managed to plough through the days, although I definitely needed more sleep and did feel a little burnt out. I even wondered if I was going to have a nervous breakdown, but I guess I’m not really the sort to have breakdowns. And I thought maybe if the baby came early then I wouldn’t have to sit for the exams! But none of that happened, of course.
As mummies, we sometimes feel as if there are so many things we need to do. I wanted the house to be of a reasonable order, and I wanted the boys to have at least one homecooked meal a day. I didn’t want to have to depend on my ILs too much but I’m eternally grateful for that one full day when the boys were with them and I could finally concentrate on studying. It’s easy to look at other mummies and feel inferior, but we each have our own circumstances, support systems and capabilities. All mummies would love to be that superwoman (no cape for me though, thanks), but it’s no shame in admitting you need a little help once in a while, as long as we know we’re trying our best.
For me, this period and the exams has been a great journey for me, allowing me some time to work on something quite outside of my normal scope, and something other than the boys. It’s also given me a chance to understand where my boundaries are – and clearly if you develop shingles, it’s a physical sign from your body that there’s too much stress going on.
I’m just SOOOO glad it’s over!!!! 😀